Relationship Disclosure and Conflict

I was asked an 'Urban Therapy' question via inbox this morning, which inspires this morning's 'meal.'  In a nutshell, the issue is...

Q.  Even within a relationship that appears beautiful and healthy, there is conflict and struggle... is that a choice made to keep it all undisclosed to the public?  Furthermore, how do you get through the bullshit?

A.  That is probably the best question ever to come through my inbox.  I believe the surface presentation of a relationship should be admirable, but in order for it to be believable, it has to be authentic.  There are tons of relationships with synthetic smiles and internet love, but the home has closets FULL of pain.  In a truly healthy relationship, those pains are able to be eliminated with effective ABC communication... "I feel this way when you..."  Sounds basic, but it is expressive, not accusatory, and assertive.  Yelling, arguing back and forth, and fighting NEVER eliminates an issue, it somehow just makes you horny.  Once the makeup sex is over, the problem remains and repeats.

Disclosure of said pains is some of the most immature shit in life.  When you disclose your deepest issues, EVERYONE notices, as they are waiting for your misery.  You vent to the world, the world turns on your mate, and then you get back together with not just closet pains, but yard pains... visible and known, now including YOU as being "stupid."  It is hard to exist as one, with admitted public proof of infidelity and misery.  This issue of disclosure HAS to be understood, not agreed upon.  That is a character issue.  Some are raised on the principle that it takes a village to do everything, which is the most absurd thing I've ever heard.  Some are raised on the principle "What happens in the home stays in the home!"  You can decipher that by one's prior relationships or involvements.  Of course everyone has their own sets of issues, but those issues should resort to a temporary attitude adjustment, at MOST... if it EVER comes to public exposure of a mate, or public rants about a mate, or any sort of embarrassment, that person has a character flaw of adolescence and maybe not the mature adult you seek.

As far as the question to my personal relationship, we don't disclose anything but love... that is all that is necessary- but never have we had to discuss that... we have the same principle makeup.  With that said, we rarely have issues.  At some age you know EXACTLY what you want, need, and can put up with.  She is everything I have never had and always wanted in a woman... nothing short of cheating will change that and she has been advised of that standard...  disclosure to the mate is the key, not the world.  Find a person with those qualities that you have the greatest level of chemistry with, as chemistry is the most valuable asset to a relationship.  When that is present, all those issues go away, as the bond is more important than the hickups.  Once those hickups outweigh the bond factors, maybe that mate needs to find a new home.  Ghetto translation:  Ain't nobody got time for that bullshit.  The relationship should be the EASIEST part of life, not the biggest hassle.  LOFT